I Had a Son
Tara Marshall
My son was slightly fucked up, because I was generally fucked up, because my father was very fucked up. I saw my father in my son, or rather, my son in my father.
I did not know just how fucked up my father was until I heard a story that made the blood in my veins itch. Made me want to ditch my name. A messy story about brothers and power. A boy forced to his knees. I did not understand how my father’s mother allowed so much trauma. She wasn’t the sinner, but she wasn’t the savior.
So, I went back in time and killed my grandmother. I raised my father like my son, and he was a happy boy. His story was clean. When he brought my mother home to meet me, I traveled forward, back to my place in time.
I thought I would return to my son, that I gave him the chance to fuck himself up. Write his own story. Instead, I have no boy. He was never born. I am only my father’s mother. I am the sinner. No one’s savior.
BIO
Tara reads and writes fiction about bodies, blood, and gender. You can find her work in Pornstar Martini Magazine and The Blunt Space Inc. Read more here!
WHY I WRITE
I am angry and confused and I want people to know why. In my stories I twist and exaggerate the things
about this life that upset me to make my beloved reader as uncomfortable as I am.
SOCIAL MEDIA
Instagram: @vomitdiamonds